Zetetic Elench

How To Take Over The: 1. World  This song: "Jigglypuff, Jiggly, yy-puff, puff Jigglypuff, Jiggly Anytime, anyplace, anywhere With trouble brewing or Laughter in the air With a smile, with a sigh With all the right stuff There are so many times when the Song is just enough Magical powers in the lush grass In the shade of Mt. Moon Make the song Soothe you (Jigglypuff, Jiggly, yy-puff) The power of the melody moves you Jigglypuff, Jiggly, Jiggly! When it all seems lost, out of control When the struggle breaks down and Fear takes its toll You can count on a friend who's Just tough enough And the song that's alive in the heart Of Jigglypuff Hours and hours In the lush grass at the base Of Mt. Moon Make the song Soothe you (Jigglypuff, Jiggly, yy-puff) The power of the melody moves you The sing attack grooves you …" I'd love to do a horror film where this happens:  a deaf couple drive into town but everyone has disappeared! Where are they, this is gett...

Returns and Strikes back! An idea I had for consistently re-booting the "prequel" Star Wars trilogy-is to completely forget what was filmed!  Although it starts of similar to the phantom menace the main thrust of the plot is that the Jedi believe the Sith have returned and are concerned about the sect targeting Anakin Skywalker.  Anakin is a baby at this point. But everything else....the Jedi try to battle the Sith grand master but he is such a formidable foe that they are forced to create a clone army just to fight him. They end up provoking a rebellion in the outer rim territories and a sizable anti-jedi movement in the senate. The rebels then create their own clone army and are actually invited to conquer the Jedi Centre by the senate. The sith grand master is actually Palpatines former teacher. Palpatine was rejected by the Sith when he became a senator for various blah reasons. The senate are an advisory body and two thirds of its members ...

More Star Wars! I have fan theories about the origins of Leader Snoke and Rey. Assuming  Outbound Flight (novel)  “happened” then I would imagine that Snoke is one of the force-sensitive children (or a child of two of the Jedi) on the expedition to the Unknown Regions. If you have read Timothy Zahn’s “Outbound Flight” Snoke’s resentment towards the Jedi, Republic, Sith and Empire make sense. Rey. Rey’s parents were freaked out by her early display of force-related abilities. With no established Jedi Temple to send her to they simply abandoned her, perhaps out of fear of superstitious locals. Also, consider the possibility that Prime Minister Alexander Piffle Boris Johnson is the bastard offspring of Sheev Palpatine and Jar-Jar Binks!

The Whole Saga . Well, more or less really. Should the Jedi really not look a gift horse in the mouth by trusting in the clone army? Shouldn't Return of the Jedi fit in better with The Force Awakens/vice versa? Is it right for Disney to completely disregard the former Expanded Universe? How could the saga be changed to adopt to these points? ( With regards to the first point ) It transpires that Darth Maul originally ordered the clone army before apparently being killed on Naboo. It would help the viewer if the Jedi were to be seen (or mentioned) finding this out in Revenge of the Sith.       So, in this case..... A Jedi Master, Dooku, leaves the order. Declaring himself a Count, he establishes the Separatist movement, with the aim of drawing out the real Sith Lord. He even has an apprentice.* This ultimately leads to him (Dooku) turning to the Dark Side and finding out, too late, that Palpatine is the real Sith Lord. I...

Star Wars Edit. Dooku is set up as a patsy by Palpatine, but he isn't strictly a  villain. He sets up the clone army in secret after being persuaded by Palpatine to leave the Jedi and take up his position of Count. When the army's existence is exposed the various conglomerates with their own private droid armies get together to support an insurrection. Dooku is arrested and charged with treason by the Jedi. He is murdered by Anakin before he can face trial, with the blame going to the mysterious Sith lord.  Maul manages to survive Naboo and rises to the leader of the insurrection only to be betrayed by Palpatine during his own kidnap by Grievous: he throws Kenobi's lightsaber at Maul while still in manacles through an obvious use of the Force. Kenobi does not witness this because he is unconscious but Palpatine's identity as Sidious has been revealed to Anakin.

                                      Should Do Star Wars                                         Again. The prequels that is.                            Dr Hartmann as Qui-Gonn Jinn (The Phantom Menace) and Palpatine  (Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith)                          Carter Pewtershmitt as Count Dooku (Attack of th...

Obvious Plot Points Which "Revenge of the Sith" Missed and Some Changes Which Make the Narrative Better. 1. The Jedi know Padme will die because of Anakin's visions but they are resigned to her death. 2. Anakin suspects Qui-Gonn and Dooku conspired to create the clone army. 3. Anakin suspects Qui-Gonn and Dooku conspired to start the clone war. 4. Anakin therefore suspects Dooku is communing with Qui-Gonn. 6. This is based o n Anakin's vision which shows Qui-Gonn being able to communicate with his wife, despite being dead. He is actually killed by the "clone progenitor (CP)", not Darth Maul, who is in turn killed by Obi-Wan Kenobi in slightly altered version of Episode Two. 7.  Qui-Gonn Jinn was once Dooku's master, not the other way around. 8. Anakin thinks Qui-Gonn Jinn is still Dooku's apprentice. 9. This "chain of command" leaves Anakin suspecting his own former master. 10. Padme is actually able...

The Gzilt Prophet Briper Drodj and (Tursensa) Ngaroe (Hgan) "oldest person in the Culture" QiRia (dam Yutton)* are actually the same person. Because.... why the fuck not? The Werpesh actually evolved on Earth. Because.... w hy the fuck not?   This means that (probably) all the humanoid species in the Culture novels are descended from those Werpesh who opted out of Subliming. Any technology left behind was quickly appropriated by other civilisations.  Most members of the-150 member-United Federation of Planets are planets colonised by the thirty or so actual members, these being the home-worlds of the various Federation species. This-kind of-explains why everyone aboard Federation star-ships looks human. Obvious fan theory: R2-D2 is a Culture (Special Circumstances) agent. Second obvious fan theory: Homer Simpson is an Idiran. *of the Buhdren Federalty, one of the civilisations which founded the Culture "...

I was going to title this  "In Defence of the Preludes", but if three films made over a decade ago have to be re-explained then either they were not very good in the first place or the people watching weren't really paying attention. And reference is made also to The Force Awakens. Soooooo, well the first critique of the Star Wars prequels is that Lucas keeps reinforcing the... Hang on, what message is he trying to say? In each film Palpatine gains more power at the hand of an ineffective Galactic senate. I understand the point about sacrificing liberty for efficiency but did this really need to be repeated three times? To underline the point that the senate will be dissolved later? It gets repetitive and it turns people off. The Father is the Hero and not the Son. When the original saga was completed, with the final release of "Revenge of the Sith", one could make the case that Anakin was the true hero after all by defeating the elitist Je...

Fan theories and alternative scenarios. 1. Dooku is the good guy. An alternative scenario could have the same events shown in the preludes but with Dooku starting a rebellion to overthrow Darth Sidious. Dooku hopes to give the Jedi the opportunity to assume governorship of the Republic. It is for this reason that he kidnaps Palpatine. The clone army was simply ordered in secret by Palpatine, who later lets slip to Anakin that there may be "unexpected aid" on a distant planet unknown to the Jedi i.e., said clone army. 2. Padme seduces Anakin so the Jedi Order will survive through their children. He basically marries her for religious/traditional reasons. 3. Similarly, it was planned that, if Kenobi and Qui-Gonn were stranded on Tatooine, they would have Jedi children with Padme and Shmi. This is for the same reasons as 2, or to produce an alternative (or "spare") Jedi Order in case the original were ever to be corrupted or eliminated. 4. Padme is be...

Re-editing and reviewing the "prequel" trilogy, I should say the Prelude to the Original Star Wars Trilogy. Because "prequel" isn't a bloody word! Back to basics then. The three films I suggest line up consecutively in a proper fashion with main emphasis on the clone wars period in the final two films. The first (title: "Jedi Succession"?) covers the Naboo succession crisis and Palpatine being chosen first as a mediator between the galactic senate and the Jedi and, later, Supreme Chancellor. Both events are connected because one of the contenders (or candidates) for the position of Naboo monarch is a veteran Jedi called Dooku (I really think Dooku should be given a full name. Bob Dooku? Bib Dooku?). The result of this being that a young woman named Padme Amidala Naberrie is selected as Queen and Dooku gives himself the ancient title of "Count" (could be a Duke though?). The senate also bars the Jedi from forcibly recruiting force-sens...